"It's Starting"

I think I've heard the phrase, "It's starting" at least 5 times in the last few days. What's starting, you ask? The tourist season on the Outer Banks. As of Memorial Day weekend, the "tour-ons" (rhymes with morons) have been arriving from the north.

Now, most of the time, "It's starting" has been stated with a tone of dread. Perhaps I'm being overly optimistic (and if you know me well, you know optimism isn't my strong suit), but I'm choosing to say, "It's starting" with anticipation and excitement. Why am I looking forward to crowded streets, restaurants, beaches, and church pews? Because I see opportunity and possibility!

Here are the stats: 57,000 people live on the Outer Banks year round (that number seems incredibly high to locals when our beaches feel like ghost towns in mid-January. Remember, we live on a strip of land no more than 2.5 miles wide). During peak summer periods, the daytime population can be up to 220,000 (see http://www.outerbankschamber.com/economics2.cfm)! That's almost 4 times the normal population! And we get a new set of tourists each week. No wonder the locals are running for the hills! 1500 of those visitors are international college student workers who help businesses keep up with the seasonal population boom. People are coming from everywhere

But here's what I see: We have four times the opportunity to share the gospel with others. We have the capability of impacting the ENTIRE WORLD for Christ from our 2 mile wide strip of land. How incredible! People on vacation are more apt to slow down and consider the things that matter in life: family, friends, physical health, and spiritual health. Could we seize the moments every day this summer to show love, to open our doors and beaches to strangers, and to invite the lost into a relationship with Christ? The possibilities are endless!

I'm pumped about what God will do this summer, and I'm willing to sit through beach traffic and wait in busy restaurants to watch Him in action!

OBX Lighthouse Tour

This past weekend, my parents came to the beach to celebrate Mother's Day and my birthday. For some reason, I have always loved lighthouses (notice the lighthouse theme for my blog), so we decided to visit several of them on the way to Ocracoke Island. Cape Hatteras is on the left, Ocracoke in the middle, and Bodie Island on the right.

I started thinking this week about why I like lighthouses. A few thoughts come to mind:

Christ said, "I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in the darkness" (John 12:46). Lighthouses shine bright in the darkness. They remind me to be grateful that through faith in Jesus, I no longer have to live in a dark, hopeless world. Second, just as Christ is a light, we are called to be light, as well. Jesus instructed his disciples, "Let you light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). I pray that God's light would shine through me so that others will come to know Christ as their Savior. And lastly, lighthouses remind me that I'm called to be a watchman. A slightly morbid Nickel Creek song ("The Lighthouse's Tale") says this: "I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves. I keep my lamp lit to warn the sailors on their way." Lighthouses are meant to warn boaters so they don't end their journey in destruction. The LORD calls the prophet Ezekiel to be a watchmen and to bring a message of warning to God's people. Ezekiel tells them to turn from their sin and return to their covenant God. If they did not, they would face destruction because of their rebellion. I'm also commissioned to call others to repentance and to a true love for God. This passage is becoming relevant now as I see God using Ezekiel's visions to guide our youth ministry (more on that later, it's pretty exciting!).

So, my lighthouse tour will continue northward in a few weeks to Currituck where my aunt and uncle work. I'll make sure I post another picture. Until then, GO LIGHT YOUR WORLD!

Spiderman 3

I've been anticipating the opening of Spiderman 3 for the past month, and it didn't disappoint. The character development is excellent! The plot's twists and turns create a tapestry of conflict and intrigue. However, the most attractive part of the film was the way it dealt with the themes of good vs. evil and revenge.

(If you haven't seen the movie yet, go see it before you read on. I need to reveal parts of the plot in order to make my point.)

Typically, superhero films glorify the character's superpowers and unwavering determination to always do good. Spiderman is more like us, though. He's really just a normal guy, Peter Parker, with plenty of skeletons in the closet and lots of emotional baggage. Throughout the film, we discover with Peter that he is selfish, jealous, insecure, loves attention, and carries deep-seeded anger about his uncle's death. The anger, in particular, drives him to do things that he later regrets. Aunt May describes Peter's situation well: "Revenge is like a poison that can take us over, and before you know it, it can turn you into something ugly."

Here's where the puzzling part of the movie comes in. At the end of an intense fight scene, Peter faces the man who killed his uncle. Marko apologizes and shows regret. Peter forgives him. But why did he forgive? Some of the girls who saw the movie with me verbalized the same question that was rolling around in my head. When you get wrapped up in the plot, you begin to feel the frustrations Peter felt: lost love, lost relative, lost sense of control, lost reputation for being a "good" superhero. I would have felt defeated and angry, a far cry from forgiving my father-figure's killer. But here's what I think. Like Marko, Peter was also wrestling with his imperfect qualities. Peter was hoping that someone would forgive him for the wrongs he had done, yet he knew he was unworthy of that forgiveness. I think Peter forgave Marko because he knew he could not go on living without being forgiven himself.

Here's the spiritual tie-in you've been waiting for: The only way to fight revenge is to forgive the person who's harmed you. The only way to truly forgive is to realize that you, too, are imperfect and unworthy to receive forgiveness, yet our heavenly Father forgave us. He didn't forgive us because he had to. He forgave us because he made a choice to keep loving us. When we realize how unworthy we are of forgiveness when it's offered, all we can do is respond in love. We've been forgiven; we know how it feels to hold the weight of guilt and then to have it taken away by words of pardon. Knowing we are forgiven, we want to be like the one who forgave us. We desire to forgive others when they are sorry even if they don't deserve it. Spiderman 3 is an example of grace!

Conference Champs!

The First Flight Middle School girls' track team is the conference champ! GO SEAHAWKS!! I'm so proud of my girls (and the guys, too!). What an awesome season!

VT Lessons

I'm about a week behind on posting this. Track season will be over (for me) after today, so things will start slowing down soon!

Last week, our country observed a terrible tragedy at Virginia Tech. In the past, I've tended to avoid the hype. Last Monday, John Stewart (The Daily Show) explained well how I used to deal with crisis: "Well, if you have a TV, most of you know what has happened today. So, I'm going to do what I always do when this kind of thing happens. I'm going to suppress it, push my feelings deep down inside, and 30 years from now, someone is going to knock over my drink, and I'm going to scream, 'What the ---- did you do that for?!'" It's easy to suppress feelings when we want to believe that our world isn't this messed up. I'm not that person any more. I've wrestled with the questions about evil and realized God didn't do this. God's not micro-managing us. People have free will to make evil and twisted decisions. However, our Easter God brings redemption from the worst. So this week, I've been looking for signs of redemption.

I've found it in community: This image from last Tuesday's candle light memorial symbolizes the unity God desires from his church at all times.
With one accord, the VT community came together to support one another. They all shared something in common: grief. Northeastern NC has many ties to Virginia, so many people here desired to join the mourning community from VT. Many wore VT colors for the nation-wide Maroon & Orange Day last Friday (organized by a woman who attends my church). VT flags and decals cover beach houses and cars. Our community desires to reach out to a hurting community not too far from our own. We in the Church have something in common that unites us: our saving relationship with Jesus Christ. That relationship with him connects us in community with others who have that same relationship. I long for the day when our churches, carrying the light of Christ, begin looking more like the picture above than a bunch of fragmented believers.

Then, I found this other picture. The light of Christ that we shine together should become a light that we share. "You are the light of the world . . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven" (Matt. 5:13a, 16). Christian community begins when a person starts a faith relationship with our three-in-one, community God.

We all want to belong; we all long for true community. We all NEED community. Will the Church be that place of unified support for the mourning, the hurting, the hungry? Will the light of Christ within us be something we keep for ourselves, or will we share, inviting others to experience a relationship with our God, Perfect Community?

Doggy days

This week is spring break for Dare Co. So, what does that mean? All the locals leave the beach, and all the tourists (some call them tour-ons, as in, rhyming with morons) have taken over. Sadly, I no longer get a spring break. I miss school! But it does mean that I have gotten to spend the week dog sitting. If only my camera wasn't in the shop, I'd post some pictures! Nonetheless, meet my furry friends:

Buddy Love: Named after Eddie Murphy's slim "Nutty Professor" alter ego, breed - Bichon, age - youngish, he's still got lots of puppy in him. Favorite pastime: running figure-8's around my coffee table and chair. Special concerns: he's allergic to soy, he can't eat normal dog food. "Pet" peeves: being left in laundry room alone at night.

Joe Black: Named after Brad Pitt's character in "Meet Joe Black", breed - shitzu, age - umm, middle aged? Favorite pastime: tug-o-war and sniffing every plant on the side of the road. Special concerns: he's scared of flushing toilets! "Pet" peeves: Buddy's attempts at wrestling when Joe is tired.

I've find it oddly coincidental that both dogs are named after 90's movie characters, and the dogs belong to different owners. It's been an adventurous week! I'm pretty sure this experience has convinced me not to get a dog for awhile (or perhaps just not two at a time). At the same time, though, they've reminded me to think of "the other" before myself as Christ taught. When you live alone, it's easy to forget!

Passion Play

I lived a modern passion play Thursday night. My church celebrated Maundy Thursday. Maundy means command. It's the day we remember Christ's command about the Last Supper: "Do this in remembrance of me." So, I began to remember, entering into the story . . .

Jesus said one of us would betray him. "No, not me, Lord. I'd never do that!" He offered us the Passover cup of suffering. Once representing the blood of a lamb that brought deliverance, this time Jesus said something different. "This is my blood poured out for you." I took a sip.

After supper, he led us to the garden. He told us to watch and pray. My mind was otherwise occupied. I fought temptation to stay focused. I was tired after a week of strong emotions among our congregation (see the last post). Jesus walked a little ways off for awhile and returned to find me mentally asleep. I was daydreaming. Jesus caught me. "Don't fall into temptation. I know you're tired. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." He was telling the truth! It's easier to zone out and make light of the situation in order to avoid thinking about the horror of the cross.

But Judas and the soldiers came and arrested him. How could Judas betray him? Betray us? Jesus was falsely accused, punched, flogged, mocked, spit on. It was unbearable to watch. Then the crowds yelled, "Crucify him!" For what? How could they? From a distance, I looked on in shock as they nailed him to a cross. How could they kill the Lord? How could they kill God? Then, I realized my part in his death. No words went through my head, just horror and grief at the violent sight.

. . . And yet even in the most horrific moment, Jesus still thought of us. He asked the Father to forgive his mockers. He invited the criminal at his side to meet him in paradise. He made sure his mother was taken care of.

All was dark in the church except the empty lighted cross. We all just stared in complete silence. No one knew what to do. Do we stay here? Do we go home? Eventually, we began to exit in errie silence. I was unable to process it all. I felt like one of the women who watched Jesus put into the tomb. They had to leave to prepare for the Sabbath and to mix spices for his burial. I had to go to the grocery store to prepare for Easter dinner. Yet, all I could think of was the image of the cross burned on my eyes.

We all got into our cars and headed home. There is only one road into and out of Duck--speed limit 25 mph. And so, we left the cross behind, traveling in what looked a funeral procession. How appropriate . . .

Ch-ch-ch-changes

It's been a week now since I found out the news. My pastor and good friend David will be leaving Duck United Methodist Church at the end of June. This isn't one of those normal Methodist moves (as in, it wasn't originally requested), so the announcement came as a shock to our congregation. David has served Duck Church for 13 years and had planned on retiring here. Many in our congregation have never had another pastor (particularly some of the youth).

Of course, there are the normal questions: Why does the Methodist church use the appointment system? Was David forced to move? Who's coming to replace him? This week has been an awesome opportunity for me to explain the concepts of calling, church, and faith. When David received the phone call from the bishop, he prayed and realized God was in it. God has called him somewhere else, and David is being obedient. Our church is coming to understand that "church" is bigger than our local congregation. Church is all those who accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. By letting David go, we are sharing him with our brothers and sisters in Christ in another congregation who need a strong, capable leader. However, that sharing doesn't come without some sadness. I have been blessed to serve alongside David and his wife, Libby, for the past 7 months. They are both strong Christians, capable leaders, encouragers, and supporters. They will be deeply missed.

Our church began a discernment process at the beginning of Lent to determine God's will for our church. God has revealed that we will continue this process under new leadership. We continue to ask, "Lord, show us the way." Who will God bring to lead Duck Church? Who will Duck Church become? I believe God will provide the leader we need to move forward in God's will. And along the way, I think each of us are learning more about what it means have faith in God.

Songs of Ascents

For the past few years, I have set aside time during the season of Lent for reading the Songs of Ascents. The Songs of Ascents are found in Psalm 120-134. Usually, I read one a day, and then read through all of them again the day before Easter and tack on Psalm 135 as an explosion of praise for God on Easter morning! During Old Testament times, three times a year, God's people would take a journey from their hometowns for different religious festivals in Jerusalem. Because Jerusalem is located on a hill, God's people would be climbing upward toward God's city. Eugene Peterson in A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, describes the journey as a metaphor: "the trip to Jerusalem acted out a life lived upward toward God, an existence that advanced from one level to another in developing maturity" (18). These songs are in the genre of "The Wheels on the Bus" or "99 Bottles of Beer". But these Psalms are spiritual road trip songs.

Some of these Psalms have spoken into my real-life situation this week (more info on that later). But for now, regardless of where you are, you can always travel up. Come on up the mountain of God with Jesus this Passion week (that starts tomorrow with Palm Sunday). Journey with him to the cross and then out of the grave!

Here are some verses that have stood out to me:
"I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven." (Ps. 123:1)
"If the LORD had not been on our side [I like to fill in words from my own faith story here]." (Ps. 124:1a)
"Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." (Ps. 124: 8)
"Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore." (P. 125:1-2)
"Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev [a desert in Israel]. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (Ps. 126, 4-6)
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." (127:1a)

Nailing it to the Cross

"You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross." -- Colossians 2:13-14

I was dead because of sin . . . now I'm ALIVE because of him!

Tonight, our youth group made this verse and our little rhyme (the line above) a reality by writing out our sins and literally nailing them to a wooden cross. I worried all week if we could really be serious enough to handle this. However, God's Spirit was on the move!

My intent was for each youth to come up one at a time. In my control freak way, I got worried when a few came up together (I thought they might talk or take the focus off Christ). But it became a very powerful image. You literally could not drive a nail into the cross without someone holding the cross for you. This became an awesome metaphor. We can help our friends put to death their sins by holding one another accountable to the commitment we've made to God and the lifestyle he's called us to.

Another interesting thing happened. I had bought nails that were huge, and they were very hard to drive into the 4x4 posts. Every once in awhile, we had to re-nail the sheets of sins to the cross. Sometimes, we can feel like this with sins that seem to happen over and over again in our lives. We confess those sins, wanting to change, but we catch ourselves doing them again. That's true with me and my negative attitude. The thing is, though, that Christ is at work to change those things in our lives. He sees our sorrow for our sin and gives us the power to overcome sin right now if we will receive it.

The Lord worked in a powerful way tonight! Praise God!

Lenten Reflections: Entitlement

God had the last laugh yesterday. I actually wrote the original posting for this entry yesterday afternoon. But then something happened. Let me begin with the reflections I recorded first, and then I'll tell the rest of the story:

Entitlement . . . the sense of feeling like I deserve something--"I'm owed". During Lent, God has continued to show me how I feel entitled to certain things. Here's my public confession (I list these things so you can help keep me accountable and so you might begin to explore whether or not entitlement is an issue for you, as well. I hope not!):
- I expect respect from my youth group because I do a lot for them.
- I get frustrated when people don't say thank you after I've done a good deed.
- I become angry in a slow line at Wal-mart because I'm a busy person and deserve speedy service.
You get the point. I forget that everything I have is a gift from God.

God showed me an image of what he feels like when entitlement slips into our relationship with Him. We don't deserve a relationship with God, now or in eternity. BUT God sent his son, Jesus, so we can have those things. His hand is outstretched to us. Like a loving Father, he says, "Come to me, child." Here's what we do, though. We act like elementary school kids. Have you ever had your hand up for some kid to give you a high-five, and they stare you down and look at you like you're an idiot? Maybe they started to give you a high-five and then pulled their hand away, followed by the quick, attitude-infested response, "Too, slow!" We act like that; we're too good for God. "I don't need your help, God." "I'm a good person; I do good things. I deserve to go to heaven." Our Father just stands there . . . rejected . . . but his hand is still outstretched, ready to grasp ours, ready to pull us into a loving embrace. Wow (humbled sigh) . . . my only response can be a life lived in gratitude and worship to a God who loves me this much, even when I'm a punk.

The Epilogue: After writing that out yesterday and pressing publish to post this entry, my internet access went down. At first, I laughed out loud. I have become so accustomed to internet access that I feel like I deserve it. A few hours later, I called the cable company to see if it could be fixed. They told me they could send someone out Friday from 1-5 PM. Internal dialogue: "Are you serious? A whole week? I have lunch plans. Aren't I the customer here? Don't I pay the bills? You should be inconvenienced, not me!" . . . ENTITLEMENT . . . Lord, forgive me. By your grace, help me change. Change us. "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy" (Daniel 9:18b). We don't deserve you . . . thank you!

Polar Plunge

The fun continues on the OBX. This past Sunday, I had the youth over to my house for a cookout. The occasion? UNC v. Duke basketball, of course. Man, it's nice to be back in NC!

So, during half time, we played some Ultimate Frisbee on the vacant lots across the street. The wind was pretty fierce, and the disc flew into the canal (yes, there is a canal that runs behind the houses across the street, leading out to the sound). Of course, a rescue was in order. One of the youth decided it was his duty to jump in and get it. First words that popped into my head: liability and his mom. It took me about five minutes to convince the guy that he shouldn't jump in. Granted, he had already taken off his shirt and was ready to strip down to his boxers and get in the water. I was very proud of him for listening to me instead of his friends. For the record, it was about 50 degrees out, and the water was probably colder than that.

So, I told the youth I'd get the disc, but I needed to change. It turned into a huge event (bigger than Tyler Hansbrough's bloody face at the end of the game). Several of the youth came back with me; one girl video documented the occasion on her digital camera. I thought that it would be shallow enough that only my shorts would get wet. Oh no . . . I ended up having to jump in fully clothed. Of course, then everyone just stared at me as I tried to pull myself back up onto the dock, gasping for air, and shaking from the cold. The things we do for frisbees and teenagers!

The official Outer Banks Polar Plunge is this coming Saturday on the beach; I guess I was a tad early ;)!

Field Event Specialist

I've been bloggin' about some pretty serious stuff lately, so I thought I might share a more light-hearted story. Thursday was my first day helping out with the First Flight Middle School track team (Go Seahawks!). The whole experience began humorously as I walked around the middle school trying to figure out where the track team practices. You see, they don't really have a track, just a soccer field. When I finally found the team, my friend Jessica (the head coach) was pretty excited to see me. Jessica comes to the young adult small group at church and teaches at the middle school. She hooked me up with the perfect place to get plugged into the middle school community on the Outer Banks. I used to run track in middle and high school, mainly sprints, relays, and the long jump, so I had agreed to help coach the long jump. When she introduced me to the team, though, she called me the "field event specialist". Suddenly, I've inherited far more responsibilities than I'm trained for. Eek! High jump has always scared me because I'm afraid people will break their necks; and if you've seen the size of my arms, shot put just doesn't fit my body type. Nonetheless, I'm up for the challenge.

So, the amusing part of the practice came when I realized we had no long jump pit. No fear! We live at the beach which means there are sand dunes at the edge of the soccer field. OK, so we had the pit. Then, there's the issue of a scratch board . . . . . Ta-da! A piece of drift wood! We have our make-shift long jump pit. Of course, the middle school kids weren't too convinced. Their response: "Umm . . . aren't there sand spurs in there?" I thought quickly, trying not to give away my lack of planning, and I replied with a big, fake grin, "Eh (shoulder shrug), I don't think it'll be a problem." Of course, at the end of the day when I emptied the sand out of my shoes, I found several sand spurs attached to my shoe laces! Needless to say, we'll be hanging out with the high school team and using their long jump pit as much as possible! I hope I don't have to make a make-shift high jump mat next week ;)!

You are loved

Our church is reading the book Treasures of the Transformed Life during the season of Lent. To be honest, tonight, I wasn't looking forward to reading the chapter from the book. Don't get me wrong; I have enjoyed the book so far. But I knew the chapter would be on prayer again tonight. Prayer . . . again? I've read a lot about prayer recently. I've written and spoken about prayer, and I will speak about prayer again in a few weeks. Can't I learn something new?

In my desire to be entertained by God, I've missed the point. Prayer is two way conversation. I get down on myself a lot because I don't spend a lot of time in prayer. I don't feel like I'm praying enough for God to really impact my ministry. I know prayer works. I've seen it work. But prayer has become an "it". Prayer has become ritual, a way for me to measure up before God.

During this season of Lent, I expected God to show me my sin, how I'm too comfortable, relying on myself too much, wanting to do everything on my own. But that message didn't come in the condemning way I thought it would. The first thing God brought to my mind was, "Remember your name, Beloved. I love you, deeply. Let me love you." All the stress of the day seemed to melt.

God loves you, too. You can never hear that enough because if you're like me, you'll probably forget it by the time you wake up tomorrow. So hear it again:

GOD LOVES YOU!

"I Need to Wake Up"

As I changed channels to watch the Oscars during a commercial tonight, I happened upon Melissa Etheridge singing "I Need to Wake Up". This song is her wake up call for people to stop sitting on their hands and to do something about global warming. While I'm all for proactive attempts to save the environment, I couldn't help but think of how Christians need to wake up and take action for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ. God calls each of us to something more. He's the One "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 2:20). Am I living in a way that allows God's power to do more than I could ever imagine in my sphere of influence? Are you? Let Melissa Etheridge's lyrics be your wake up call in your relationship with God . . .

"I Need to Wake Up"
Melissa Etheridge

"Have I been sleeping?
I’ve been so still
Afraid of crumbling
Have I been careless?
Dismissing all the distant rumblings
Take me where I am supposed to be
To comprehend the things that I can’t see

Cause I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something’s got to break up
I’ve been asleep
And I need to wake up
Now

And as a child
I danced like it was 1999
My dreams were wild
The promise of this new world
Would be mine
Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth
To listen to an inconvenient truth

That I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something’s got to break up
I’ve been asleep
And I need to wake up
Now"

Depression

It's finally time for me to be real about something. During my first few months on the Outer Banks, I struggled with depression. Clinically diagnosable . . . probably not, but I was down. I didn't want to get out of bed, I was scared of the future, stuck in the past, and dreaded living in the present. I felt alone. I knew very few people here, and the relationships I had counted on for the past few years started to change. I wrestled with God, prayed for community, longed to break the cycle of perpetual sadness and despair. Eventually, I got through it but not without lots of time and tears.

Many people in my life have dealt with or are currently struggling with depression. Perhaps what I was experiencing was of lesser intensity, but I remember looking everywhere for a comforting word from God. I found the following from Oswald Chambers the other day:

"If we were never depressed we should not be alive. . . . A human being is capable of depression, otherwise there would be no capacity for exaltation. . . . Depression is apt to turn us away from the ordinary commonplace things of God's creation, but whenever God comes, the inspiration is to do the most natural simple things--the things we would never have imagined God was in, and as we do them we find He is there." Later, Chambers warns us not to do something just to relieve depression but to seek the Holy Spirit's guidance when trying to discern how you can take a step forward with God.

How comforting to know that we will all at some point experience depression! If we couldn't experience deep sorrow, we would never experience incredible joy! I never should have been ashamed at my sadness and inability to "get over it". Extreme sadness meant that I valued what I had lost. I ended up embracing the depression. If I ran from the sadness, it felt worse, but if I met God in it, he proved to be there. Any glimpse of hope became an incredible blessing. The same "mini-victories" wouldn't bring the same excitement today.

Lesson from depression: The way out isn't as important as the One who is in it with us.

Christian culture war

I have a map of the world on my wall that has Antarctica on the top and North America down in the bottom right corner. It reminds me that Jesus' kingdom is not of this world. Christ calls us to be counter-cultural, to look different from others. What does this type of radical discipleship look like? This summer I used these examples in a talk I gave to high schoolers . . . serving instead of being served, delayed gratification, salvation through Christ alone instead of religious pluralism, forgiveness instead of revenge, community over the individual, power in weakness instead of power in prestige, trust instead of worry, grace instead of death. This whole idea of radicalism inspired me because I have always been a nonconformist. I felt like I found a Christian justification for bucking the system.

Yet, I missed the most radical thing of all, LOVE! I've allowed my nonconformist tendencies to become spiritual pride, and I realized it as I read more of Donald Miller (he's pretty insightful!) . . . "I suspect any lack of love or feelings of anger we have toward the culture around us are not feelings that come from God, but rather our souls arising again to cast rocks at women caught in adultery" (195). The more God changes me to be like himself, the more I don't like the ungodly culture I live in and shout, "Come, Lord Jesus." However, being counter-cultural without LOVE is what Paul described as a clanging cymbal, an instrument that can't be used as it was designed (1 Cor. 13). How selfish of me to forget the lost people in the world! Jesus ate with these people; I turn away from them feeling morally superior. I don't get God's love. He asks us to be holy, but then he died for those who aren't. I'm one of those he died for, and I certainly am not all God has asked me to be. Now anything holy in me is a tribute to God's changing love at work in me, not anything I've done (except surrendering to him, which I struggle with daily!). Holiness doesn't equal superiority; it's just a sign of grace. I'll never understand that unless I continue to explore the depths of God's love and let that overflow into love for the world!

Morality and Discipline

I've wrestled this week with the concept of discipline. I have never been a strong disciplinarian. I'm far too much a people-pleaser for that! This week, though, I couldn't back down. If we did not address the issue of discipline at youth group, things could quickly turn into chaos instead of Christian community. (In case this is read by someone at Duck UMC, be sure that I have taken care of this issue and am not in any way revisiting sin that has been forgiven. I'm merely reflecting on the idea of discipline and using last week's incident as an object lesson.)

The writer of Hebrews addresses discipline: "If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons [of God]. . . . No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:8, 11) We should expect discipline because it shows that our true identity is what God has said we are if we follow and believe; we are His children. Discipline = Love. It sure doesn't feel like it, sometimes, whether you play the role of the giver or receiver of discipline.

I continue to stumble across the concept of obedience and discipline. I'm good at following rules. It comes with my personality. I'm not as good at the heart stuff. Perhaps that's why it's so hard for me to understand sin and grace. For a long time, I thought I was "OK with God" if I was a good person, if I did what He said. Most of the time, I did alright. But then I realized that I was missing the whole point. I don't obey for the sake of the rule; I obey out of love for God. As I realize how much I have made life about following rules, I realize how much I rationalize my disobedience and think I'm OK with God.

Donald Miller's words in Searching for God Knows What convicted me: "If we think of God's grace as a technicality, a theological precept, we can disobey without the slightest feeling of guilt, but if we think of God's grace as a relational invitation, an outreach of love, we are pretty much jerks for belittling the gesture" (184). Every time we disobey God, it's like we make a personal attack against Him. And we do that to Him after all He has done for us . . . (Sigh) . . . . . I don't want to hurt God anymore. He's shown me too much about how much He loves me. So, I'm willing to submit to whatever discipline that requires because I know it's out of God's love for me as His child. And I'm willing to be a disciplinarian so others don't make the same mistakes I have. I guess I'll have to get over being a people-pleaser!

Who am I?

For the past few weeks, I've been reading one of Donald Miller's books, Searching for God Knows What. Miller narratively traces the events of Genesis 1-3 and remarks on how Adam and Eve's actions have affected our world. One overriding theme keeps sticking out to me: God created us so that we would find absolute security and identity in relationship with him. Knowing we are loved, valuable, and a beautiful creation all come from him. When our relationship with God was broken because of Adam and Eve's sin, we began thinking that we didn't have any worth. We have tried to find worth in other places, most apparently in the way we compare ourselves to one another: Who is the best? Can I one-up the person I'm in conversation with by boasting of my own achievements? We all want to measure up in order to feel love. If we feel like we are better than someone else, somehow that makes us more important, more valuable.

I've been on the look out for examples because I think Miller is right. Here's what I've seen both in myself and in others just the past few days: belittling words that make you feel better than another, the need to prove you are right, a longing for close human relationships because you think they'll make you feel less lonely, bragging about achievements so someone will praise you, complaining about your appearance or abilities so someone will inevitably have to affirm that you are, indeed, beautiful and gifted. There are more, but I think you get the idea.

We will never be whole, satisfied, content, feel loved, valued, or beautiful until we seek and find the One who made us. Miller says this, "What if when we are with God, we feel that we have glory, we feel his love for us and know, in a way infinitely more satisfying than a parent's love or a lover's love, that we matter? I think that would be very beautiful . . ." (p. 109)

Me, too.

Ski Retreat!

Yep, it's been awhile since I've posted. Things get busy around the holidays when you work in a church! Nonetheless, the past few weeks have been a blast. We had a lock-in on New Year's Eve, and this past weekend, we traveled to Boone, NC for our ski retreat (see picture below!). It was an awesome experience for our youth group to grow closer to one another and for us to experience God together in a new way. As we shared what we learned about God over the weekend, several of my youth said they learned that you can never stop growing in relationship with God if you are willing to follow Christ. So, this is the beginning. Take a look at them now . . . this group, through the power of the Holy Spirit, will transform the world because they are being transformed by God! I can't believe God's given me the privilege to help guide us to do that. I love these young men and women, and I can't wait to see how God will move through them!