Green with . . .

Envy.

This past weekend, I went to the National Youth Workers' Convention in Atlanta. On Sunday morning, Doug Fields gave a talk about ministerial envy. He said that he had never heard anyone preach on the subject before. I hadn't either until that day. Envy seems to be the sin that many of us ignore. I'm much more apt to repent of my pride, my fear, my judgmentalism. Envy usually doesn't show up on my sin radar. It should, though. The 10 commandments say, "You shall not covet".

Envy is pretty sick, actually. Doug said, "At the heart of envy is the lie that God owes you." Entitlement. God doesn't owe me anything. He's already given me more than I deserve. Every time I envy someone, I slip into discontent. Because I am self-focused, I have less energy to love God and others.

So, in an attempt to not hide any more, I'd like to publicly repent of my envy (and you can hold me accountable):
I envy people smarter than me. I envy youth pastors that seem to have their act together, youth ministries with more volunteer leaders, more regular meetings, and more commitment. I envy my friends who are married. I envy those who are naturally better with people. I envy people who can make good, quick decisions. I envy people who can boldly witness to non-Christians. I even envy non-Christians for not having to witness to their faith.

Father, please forgive me. Forgive us. Change us by your transforming grace.

Half Marathon!

I did it! This morning, I ran the OBX Half Marathon, 13.1 miles, in 2 hours and 15 minutes. Strangely enough, I ran 12 miles a few weeks ago, and my time was 2 hrs 23 minutes. I dropped my mile split times by 1 1/2 minutes! I couldn't believe it. I'm ecstatic!

The whole training experience has been tough work. The three months of long runs, sore legs, early mornings, and carbo loading paid off. I've learned a lot through my training about the connection between the physical and spiritual realms. In the past, I saw physical and spiritual things separately, but what we do with our bodies is spiritual. Our bodies are God's temples, and so that makes running spiritually significant. Thanks to all my friends who were praying for me! I could feel God strengthening me as I ascended the hill and began running the last two miles into the wind.

"'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty." (Zechariah 4:6)

Slow Down

"Slow down, you're moving too fast,
you got to make the morning last
just kickin' down the cobblestones,
looking for fun and feeling groovy."

Nothing like a little Simon and Garfunkel to bring you to reality. Lately, I've discovered the joy of patience. I've been reading Mark Yaconelli's book Contemplative Youth Ministry. The book's main argument is that we need to be more attentive to God and more attentive to the kids and adults under our leadership. If the book had a subtitle, it would be, "Chill out, and just be."

A few weeks ago, I realized that I'm past the age of change. I'm no longer moving every year or starting new classes every semester. My job is stable, and I'm not pursuing any romantic relationships. Until I moved to the OBX, my life had been in constant transition for at least the past 8 years. But now that I'm settling down, I'm seeing that life change takes awhile. Relationships take time to build. Spiritual maturity takes time, too, because it involves relationship building. I so badly want to see youth and young adults come to know Christ deeply, but I'm learning to be patiently prayerful.

Now that I'm lowering my expectations for immediate life change, I'm learning to love just being with God and just being with kids. There's less stress, more appreciation for the way God designed each individual. I'm doing more watching and listening, more intentional loving. It's slow, but I think it's more authentic.