Come Be My Light

For those of you who don't know, my home page for my web browser is cnn.com. Awhile back, I decided that I needed to stay up to date on the news. I don't watch local news or read a newspaper besides the Coastland Times (today's top headline -- "KDH votes against turning glass atrium into office space" -- yep, Kill Devil Hills town council, baby!). Cnn.com is my only outlet to the world beyond the OBX.

One headline caught my eye on Friday -- "Mother Teresa's Crisis of Faith". Instantly, I was engaged. I decided to delay my usual morning Bible reading because I had a feeling that what the article held would speak to my own walk with God. You see, something inside of me has changed since I first became a Christian. I used to fear doubt. I feared questions about my faith. I had many non-Christian friends who loved to make me uncomfortable with philosophical banter, hoping to throw me off my devout faith. In hind sight, I realize that doubt and questioning only made me seek God more. Did I find answers? Hardly. I found more questions; but my understanding of the vast mystery of God has led me to worship more deeply.

This is why the new book Come Be My Light attracts me. The book is filled with Mother Teresa's personal letters and prayers confessing her feelings of separation from God. At one time, she had known God closely and could recognize his voice, but during the last 50 years of her life, she felt alone, dark, and unsure of the Love that she was proclaiming in action to the poor in Calcutta.

When I was 18 or 19, my youth pastor casually asked a group of us, "Who is your hero?" I pondered the question like a good college student. I tried to think of someone whose life matched their message. Hesitantly, because I could think of no others, I said, "Mother Teresa". My understanding of people and faith has changed since then. My hero has not. I am more fascinated now than I was then with Mother Teresa. I'm entralled by the fact that this "pillar of faith" doubted. I'm in awe of her perseverance and dedication to God's call even when she didn't feel his presence. Was she a hypocrit? Hardly. She was human. Yet God used her to meet great human needs! . . . Knowing that, what might God do with a questioner like me or with someone like you?

Epistemological moment

I was enamored by this thought today:

The greatest Reality that I know is Someone I can't see, hear, or touch; yet He is what sustains all I know, see, hear, and touch and what motivates all I am and will become.

Home

In case I needed more proof that I'm a "young adult", I recently experienced my most intense summer wedding tour to date. This has been my schedule for the past month: 5 day trip to Houston for Raegan and John's wedding, 4 day local youth mission week on the beach, 3 day road trip to Pittsburgh for Lindsay and Rick's wedding, 4 days of intense office work, 3 days in Charleston, SC for David and Carolyn's wedding.

My whirlwind tour of the country has gotten me thinking about home. It's been almost exactly a year since I moved to the OBX. However when I had an incredibly hard time leaving Texas, I questioned whether or not the OBX is home. Those of you who've had to leave behind dear friends to pursue God's calling would understand. My seminary friends came to define home for me in a whole new way, but now we have parted ways so God and I can create that type of community here.

So where is home? I know I'm supposed to have one. I have this innate feeling that I'm supposed to belong somewhere. But God's teaching me that I wasn't made for this place. He created me for perfect fellowship with Himself. He wants to always keep me longing for that Home, and he has a pattern of sending his people to foreign lands to help them appreciate Home. I keep thinking that perfect fellowship with God is impossible on this side of eternity, but maybe I'm underestimating God. Home is both a present possibility and an eternal promise. Both require surrendering all desires for earthly homes. My questions are: How do we begin creating Christian communities that place our Home with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit above all but also demonstrate a similar feeling of home among believers? Or am I trying to separate two things (love for God and love for man) that are entwined? How can we continually remind one another that we are only at home with the Lord while celebrating Christian community?